The Madcap Adventures of Nigel Pivington Jones
by The Noble Platypus
Summary: Chapter six up! An author's creation wrekes havoc in her favorite fandoms! It's officially become a crossover from heck, and the fellowship is lost in Hogwarts! OH NO! R&R!
1. My trousers!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except for Nigel. and frankly, Nigel is enough.

Chapter one: My trousers!

Legolas Greenleaf stopped in his complete lack of tracks (due to his elven skill and light-footedness). The regular stillness of Mirkwood was being broken. Well, Legolas thought to himself, broken was too light a term. It would be more accurate to say that the regular stillness of Mirkwood was being violently shattered into a gazillion pieces, and those pieces were then being stomped on. Something was crashing through the trees up ahead, and from the sound of things, something was also talking to himself. Legolas's sharp ears had no trouble making out the words.

"Damn! My trousers! No mere plant rips the garments of Nigel Pivington Jones and gets away with it! Take that, nettle scum! Ha-HAH!" There was a furious thwacking sound, and the bushes in front of Legolas shook violently. "The thorny scourge has been vanquished! Another victory for Nigel Pivington Jones!" Legolas stepped back a few paces and set an arrow to his bow. Whoever this person was, they sounded insane. And crazy people could be dangerous.

There were more crashing sounds, and a moment later a man dressed in torn khaki clothes and wearing a round hat staggered into the small clearing the Prince was standing in. His hat was askew and his clothes were torn and smeared with dirt and mud, as if he had been reeling through the forest instead of walking like a normal person. He had a whip tucked into his belt, and was carrying a medium-sized stick, which still had a few straggling bits of nettle bush dangling from the end. Legolas pointed his arrow right between the man's eyes. The stranger looked at Legolas, his handlebar moustache bristling with indignation.

"You, there!" The man barked. "Lower your weapon at once! Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?!"

"Nigel Pivington Jones?" Legolas "guessed," raising an eyebrow.

"You've heard of me, then?" Nigel brightened considerably. "That's jolly well encouraging!"

"I heard you crashing through my father's kingdom," Legolas said sternly, his arrow still fixed between the man's eyes. "What business do you have in Mirkwood?"

Nigel Pivington Jones glared regally at Legolas. "My business is absolutely none of yours! Now put up your weapon before I do something you'll regret!"

Legolas bit back a laugh. What exactly did this Nigel person think that he was going to do? If he swung his stick or reached for his whip, Legolas would shoot him in a heartbeat. The advantage was clearly with Legolas. Surely this man could see that...?

"I mean it!" Nigel snapped. "My patience is wearing thin!"

Twenty seconds later, Legolas had tied Nigel Pivington Jones's hands behind his back, and was prodding him towards the palace. Unfortunately, Nigel was not coming quietly. He was, in fact, shouting a string of insults and empty threats.

"Cad!" Nigel roared in outrage. "Treacherous, sneaky villain! You'll pay dearly for this! I have connections! I'll ruin you! I'll ruin you!! I'll bring you to your knees!" Legolas rolled his eyes. He couldn't wait to see what his father would think. Personally, Legolas thought that this lunatic should be locked away in a quiet room where he wouldn't be a threat to himself or others. Soon (although not soon enough for Legolas, whose sensitive ears were starting to hurt) they were within sight of the palace gates. Nigel was still shouting threats. Legolas prodded him across the bridge ("You'll beg for mercy, but you'll get none from me, oho no!"), up the beech-lined path ("You'll never work in this country again, I'll bloody well see to that!"), past the guards ("Cut your hair, ragamuffin!"), and finally through the palace gates ("You'll be a pauper, do you hear me? A paup-where have the lights gone??").

"We have gone underground," Legolas explained, as if Nigel were five years old. Nigel, for his part, starting screaming incomprehensibly, literally hopping with outraged indignation. Legolas pushed him gently into the throne room with a sigh of relief. Nigel continued shouting; he didn't seem to realize that they had stopped and that he was standing before the King. Thranduil shot his son a questioning glance, and Legolas shrugged. After a minute Nigel paused for breath, and Thranduil smoothly interrupted.

"I am King Thranduil of the wood-elves. Who are you, and what business do you have in Mirkwood?"

"Who am I?" Nigel cried. "Who am I?! I am the legendary Nigel Pivington Jones, adventurer and explorer extraordinaire!! I demand that you release me at once!"

"Legendary?" Thranduil raised an eyebrow and smirked. "You are not known to the elves. And you are in no position to be making demands. I asked you what business brings you to Mirkwood, if you recall."

"Business?!" Nigel roared as if the King had asked him about the regularity of his bowel movements or something equally silly and unreasonable. "Business?? I have no business here; I wouldn't even be here at all if this scoundrel hadn't tied me up and forced me to come here! Now do as I say and unhand me, knaves!" Nigel looked like he badly wanted to shake his fist in a threatening manner, but since his hands were tied behind him, he could only feebly wiggle one elbow. He wiggled it.

"It would be in your best interest to treat my son and myself with respect," Thranduil said, his smirk disappearing.

"Respect, you say! Respect! I owe you nothing! Don't you know, I am Nigel Pivington Jones, and none dare stand before me!"

"I find that hard to believe," Legolas said quietly, smirking.

"Oh, do you?" Nigel said craftily. "Well, you are standing behind me, and your father is sitting down!" Nigel Pivington Jones crowed with triumph. Legolas rolled his eyes and moved around so that he was standing in front of the man. Nigel's eyes widened. "I say, stop that at once! I'll kick you!" Nigel aimed a kick at Legolas's shin, but the elf stepped back out of reach.

"What should we do with him?" Legolas asked his father over Nigel's grunts of effort as he continued to try and kick the prince, who continued dodging out of the way. "Should we throw him in the dungeon?"

"The dungeon?" Nigel ceased his efforts and looked a bit worried. "I say, that's rather hard, isn't it?"

"It's where you'll be going if you do not behave yourself," Thranduil said, hiding a grin.

"Behave myself? I am a perfect gentleman! I'm Nigel Pivington Jones, sah!"

"Yes, we know your name," Thranduil said slowly. Legolas had to press his lips together very tightly to keep from laughing.

"Well, then." Nigel said brightly, "untie my hands and I shall display such beautiful manners that you shall be astounded! My manners are legendary!"

"Untie him, Legolas," Thraduil said. Legolas gave his father an incredulous look. He couldn't be serious! This man was insane! He couldn't be allowed to wander the palace freely; he might hurt someone! Thranduil raised his eyebrows, and Legolas sighed heavily. The prince braced himself and untied Nigel's hands.

As soon as he was free, Nigel gave the Prince a hearty shove, pulled his bullwhip from his belt, and gave it a gleeful crack.

"Ha-HAH! No bonds can hold Nigel Pivington Jones! Tallyhooooeeeeeee!!" Nigel sprinted out of the room, cackling.

"Wonderful," Legolas sighed.

"You'd better go fetch him," Thranduil replied.


	2. A chase, and Platy intervenes

Usual disclaimers apply. I own Nigel and Platy (who is Platy, you ask? Read and find out!)  
  
Sorry, this chapter is shorter than the last one, but it was pretty darn quick, eh? On with the story!  
  
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Chapter two: A chase and Platy intervenes  
  
Legolas paused, listening. He could just make out the echoing crack of a bullwhip, followed by a spell of maniacal laughter. Sighing heavily, the Prince ran down the torch-lit hall, pausing every few minutes to listen. Nigel Pivington Jones had made surprising - and unfortunate - progress, considering that he didn't know his way around. Legolas fervently hoped that the crazy man was just cracking his whip for fun, and wasn't actually hurting anyone. Legolas paused again. He must be gaining on Nigel; he could now hear what he was shouting.  
  
"Ha-HAH!" CRACK! "Flee! Flee before Nigel Pivington Jones! None dare stand before me! I'll fight the lot of you every day of the week and twice on Sundays! Hey - come back here, you scoundrel! Stand and fight!" CRACK!!  
  
Legolas groaned and broke into a run. He had known that untying the lunatic would turn out to be a mistake, and now look at what was happening! He was running amok in the palace, cracking his whip at people!  
  
"If I ever catch him," Legolas muttered to himself, "I'm throwing him straight into the dungeon first and asking the questions afterwards."  
  
The Prince passed a few harried-looking elves and stopped.  
  
"Was it a crazy-looking man with a moustache and a bullwhip?" Legolas asked. The elves nodded wordlessly, eyes nearly popping from their sockets. Legolas hurried on his way. He was definitely gaining; the whip- cracking noises were growing louder.  
  
"Hah! The exit! Blessed sunlight! No labyrinth can hold Nigel Pivington Jones; I'm far too clever and have an astounding sense of direction! Move aside, chaps!" CRACK!! "Make way for Nigel Pivington Jones!" CRACK! CRACK!!  
  
Legolas skittered around a corner just in time to see Nigel prancing out the door. It wasn't the main gate, it was an archway leading to the gardens. Legolas felt a rush of triumph; there was no way out of the gardens except back through the door. The "legendary" Nigel Pivington Jones had just cornered himself.  
  
Legolas slipped stealthily into the garden, listening hard. not that it was necessary. Nigel was making such a racket that even if Legolas had been deaf, he would have been able to tell where Nigel was by the shaking of the ground.  
  
"Hahahahahaaa! Another triumph for Nigel Pivington Jones!! I say, that chap looks just like my uncle Wally!" Legolas rolled his eyes and crept closer to the voice, crouching behind a large clump of rhododendrons. He set his hand on the ground for balance, then drew it back in shock. Instead of feeling grass, he had felt something warm and slightly furry beneath his fingertips! Legolas looked down. There before him, blinking in surprise, was what was easily the strangest-looking creature Legolas had ever laid eyes on.  
  
It was roughly the size of a very large rabbit, but there the similarities ended. It had a large, flat beak, beady eyes, and a large flat tail. Except for the beak, it was covered in dense, dark brown hair. It smoothed its fur where Legolas's hand had rumpled it and gave the Prince an apologetic look.  
  
"Crikey, I'm sorry for startling you like that. You'll be Legolas, then."  
  
Legolas's jaw dropped, and if it hadn't been for the extensive training in etiquette the Prince had sat through (and bowed through) in his childhood, the Prince wouldn't have been able to answer at all. But his near-frozen brain automatically spewed out a polite response.  
  
"It's no trouble," Legolas gasped. "Sorry for putting my hand on you. Er. who are you?"  
  
I," the creature said with a little sort-of bow, "am the noble platypus, but you may call me Platy. Don't worry, I'm completely harmless. And so is Nigel. er, for the most part, anyway."  
  
"You know him?" Legolas asked, part in wonder and part in relief. Maybe this Platy creature could help him get the madman under control.  
  
"He's mine," Platy sighed wearily.  
  
Legolas digested this for a moment. "Do you mean that you are his master and he is your slave?"  
  
The platypus gave a short, bitter laugh. "If only it were that easy! I created him. I was bored." Platy shifted guiltily. "And don't think that I haven't regretted it! He's completely out of control. I just finished chasing him through 'Slaughter-house Five.' Thank goodness that book is pretty trippy to begin with; he wasn't able to cause too much trouble." Legolas nodded as if this made perfect sense, though he really had no idea what the creature was talking about.  
  
"So. . . so you can't stop him, then?" Legolas couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice, though he tried.  
  
"Stop him? No." Platy sighed. "I could delete him, but I don't want it to come to that, and he knows it. That's why he's so cocky. But he's also a bit afraid of me, I think. And that can work to my advantage."  
  
"Well-" Legolas started, but didn't finish, for at that very moment, Nigel Pivington Jones came reeling around the rhododendrons.  
  
Nigel looked at the platypus. His eyes widened, then narrowed. "You!" he hissed.  
  
Platy's eyes flashed. "Yes, me! Have you been whipping people, Nigel?!" The platypus folded her arms and glared.  
  
"Well," Nigel shifted guiltily, stuffing the whip back into his belt, "I haven't been whipping people, as such, just sort of . you know, cracking it around a bit."  
  
"How many rosebushes did you destroy?" Platy asked sternly, and the legendary Nigel Pivington Jones looked at his feet.  
  
"Two." He muttered in a barely-audible voice (quite a pleasant change, Legolas thought).  
  
"Dammit, Nigel!" Platy snapped, and Nigel flinched. "What is it with you and destroying shrubbery??!!"  
  
"It was just a bit of fun," Nigel whined. Platy drew herself up to her full eighteen inches and glared daggers at her creation.  
  
"Fun?! FUN??!!" She shrieked, and Nigel pouted. Then he grinned craftily and pulled something out of his pants pocket. It was a book. Platy took a step forward, stretching out a paw/hand. "Nigel, don't you dare!"  
  
"Try and stop me!" Nigel roared, sprinting back around the corner, holding the book aloft as if it were on fire. "Ha-HAH!" There was a blinding flash of light, and then silence.  
  
"Curses!" Legolas blinked and rubbed his eyes. Platy was stomping around in a frustrated little circle.  
  
"Where has he gone?" Legolas asked, knowing that there was no way Nigel could be silent for any great length of time. Platy sighed, clutching her beak in her hands.  
  
"He's gone to Hogwarts." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~  
  
Watcha think?? Review, please! Do you think that Platy should pursue Nigel into Harry Potter right away, or hang out in ME waiting for him to return (which he, inevitably, will)? Dun dun DUN! Let me know by pressing the purty little button down yonder! 


	3. A monstrous time jump, and Nigel returns...

All right. first attempt at chapter three did not go so well, but hopefully this will be better. I only own Nigel and Platy. sigh.  
  
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Chapter three: A monstrous time jump, and Nigel returns!  
  
The cruel winds of Caradhras whipped snow and sleet through the air, driving it through the cloaks of the nine figures struggling up the mountain. The tenth figure was curled up in a miserable ball inside Legolas's shirt. Platy hated the cold.  
  
Legolas honestly hadn't meant for things to get so far. When he had been summoned to Elrond's council, Platy had begged to come along, and Legolas had steadfastly refused. The fact that Platy seemed to think that her best chance of finding Nigel lied in tagging along with Legolas was something that the elf found very disconcerting. He had been secretly hoping that the whole issue would somehow resolve itself while he was away, and he would never have to deal with that lunatic again. Platy had seemed to give up, and Legolas was feeling pretty good overall. Halfway to Rivendell, he discovered Platy curled up in his pack, shedding on his best robes and snoring uproariously. It had been too late to turn back, so he had begrudgingly allowed her to accompany him to Rivendell. He forbid her from going to the council meeting, and, much to his surprise, she stayed away.  
  
"It's cool," she had said casually, waving a hand, "I don't need to be there." Legolas should have been more suspicious and less grateful. And he *definitely* shouldn't have trusted her when she said that she'd happily remain behind in Rivendell. As it turned out, she snuck into his pack once again (this time shedding on his best cloak). By the time he found her it was too late, and he had no choice but to let her accompany the fellowship, most of whom, to Legolas's great annoyance, found her "cute," and rather enjoyed her company.  
  
Unfortunately, there was nothing at all cute or enjoyable about their current situation. Legolas stepped forward, listening hard.  
  
"There is a fell voice on the air," he commented, frowning.  
  
"It's Saruman!" Gandalf shouted over the wind.  
  
"Wait . . ." Legolas's scowl deepened. "There is more than one."  
  
"Does Saruman have an apprentice?" Aragorn asked, completely baffled.  
  
"No, it's . . . oh no . . ." Legolas had suddenly recognized the second voice, and he dearly wished that he hadn't.  
  
"TALLYHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEE!" A figure came swinging down the cliff towards the huddled company. With a large spray of snow, Nigel Pivington Jones landed right in front of Legolas and immediately brandished a sword at him. "We meet again, scurvy cur! Prepare to be annihilated!"  
  
"Who is that?" Gandalf asked. Platy poked her head out of Legolas's collar.  
  
"Nigel!" She barked, and the man started guiltily, hastily sheathing the sword in his belt. "Where did you get that?!"  
  
"I, er . . ." he shuffled uncomfortably.  
  
"Did you steal it??" Platy was glaring at Nigel with pure murder in her little beady eyes.  
  
"I didn't steal it, exactly," Nigel said, hedging. "I sort of . . . you know . . . borrowed it . . . without exactly . . . asking permission."  
  
"And without intending to return it! Dammit, Nigel!!" Legolas could feel Platy shaking with rage. Gandalf and the rest of the fellowship were watching this exchange with complete bafflement on all of their faces. Platy sighed. "You listen to me, Nigel! You are going to come with us, and you are going to behave yourself, understand?"  
  
An obstinate spark flared briefly in Nigel's eyes. "Or you'll what?"  
  
"I'll delete you!" Platy snapped, and Nigel gasped and staggered backwards as if he had been physically struck. "So help me, God, I'll delete you where you stand!!"  
  
"You wouldn't!" Nigel cried, white as the surrounding blizzard.  
  
"Try me," Platy said dangerously. Nigel gulped.  
  
At that moment, a blast of lightening struck the cliff above them, sending a cascade of snow down on their heads. Legolas dug himself out in a matter of moments. Platy pointed eagerly to a rectangular object poking out of the snow.  
  
"Grab it! Get it, quick!" More than a bit confused, Legolas picked up the object. It was a book. Legolas frowned. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkhaban? Platy laughed aloud. "Ha! Put that in your pack, and make sure that Nigel never gets it! This'll simplify things!"  
  
Nigel was the last one to emerge from the snow. He was curled up in the fetal position, whimpering when they found him.  
  
"I've been deleted! Oh, no, I never thought she'd really do it . . ." he moaned to himself.  
  
"Pull yourself together!" Platy whacked Nigel lightly on his safari hat. "I didn't delete you . . . yet. I may change my mind!"  
  
"I'm not gone?" Nigel picked himself up and patted his torso gingerly. "Why, I'm still all here! Huzzah! Nigel Pivington Jones triumphs once again!" Nigel pumped his fists ecstatically into the air.  
  
~*~  
  
After some discussion, the company had turned back and left the mountain. As soon as it was warm enough for Platy's taste, she hopped down and walked herself. When the fellowship stopped for a break, she confronted Nigel.  
  
"Let's have a look at that sword, then," she said. Nigel whipped it out and waved it around, enjoying the whooshing noise that it made. Platy watched him for a minute with something like amusement, then frowned. "Wait . . . stop swinging it." Nigel obeyed, much to Legolas's surprise. Platy's frowned deepened. "Nigel," she said in a dangerously light voice, "can you read?"  
  
"Of course I can read!" Nigel looked offended. "I will have you know that I-"  
  
"Read what it says on that sword," Platy ordered. Legolas could see her turning red under her fur, and was suddenly, forcefully reminded of one of Gandalf's fireworks.  
  
"It says," Nigel frowned for a moment, "RODNIFFYRG CIRDOG."  
  
"GODRIC GRYFFINDOR, you TWIT!!" Platy shouted in apoplectic rage. "YOU STOLE THE SWORD OF GODRIC GRYFFINDOR!!! DAMMIT, NIGEL!!!"  
  
"Is this Gryffindor person still alive?" Nigel asked nervously. Platy shook her head, too angry to speak. Nigel brightened. "Well, then, he won't be coming back to claim it, will he?" He sheathed the sword with a flourish.  
  
"You . . . idiot . . ." Platy said quietly, voice trembling with rage. "You *idiot*!"  
  
"There's no need to call people names," Nigel said primly, and Legolas snorted.  
  
"If I didn't have to watch you," Platy grumbled, "I'd take that back right now. Unfortunately." she sighed heavily. "Do you realize how much easier things would be if I deleted you, Nigel? A whole lot easier, that's how much!"  
  
"That's a bit hard, isn't it?" Nigel looked hurt, and then smiled in a manner that he probably thought was winning. "I'm Nigel Pivington Jones! I spread cheer wherever I go!"  
  
"You're confusing yourself with Santa Clause," Platy said bitterly, then stormed off to sit on a rock.  
  
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Nigel's back! Huzzah! Look at the little periwinkle button down and to your left! You want to press the button . . . you're being irresistibly drawn to the purty periwinkle button . . . press it . . . you know you want to . . . 


	4. When platypi attack!

Whizzothecrunchyfrog: thanks so much! Here's more!  
  
Usual disclaimers apply . . . and if that isn't enough for you, see previous chapters. :) Let the insanity continue!!  
  
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Chapter three: Drop that sword!  
  
The company had halted outside the walls of Moria while Gandalf tried to figure out the password. Nigel was unusually subdued, probably due to Platy's almost constant threats of deletion.  
  
"I can't believe you stole the sword of Godric Gryffindor," Platy moaned, head in her hands. "I can't *believe* you, Nigel!" Nigel was sitting on a rock and looking guiltily at his feet. "You'd better just be grateful that it wasn't book two! You could have caused a disaster! Not that this isn't a disaster already . . ." Platy paced well away from the water.  
  
Legolas pulled the small paperback book out of his pack (where he'd stuffed it on Caradhras) and examined it. It was very colorful; there was a picture on the front of two children in odd clothing riding some sort of creature. Legolas started to open it.  
  
"No!" Platy came hurtling over and slammed the book shut. Legolas stared at the platypus, taken aback. "I'm sorry," Platy panted, holding the book shut as if it might fly open of its own accord. "But you can't open it! Things are bad enough already." Platy noticed Legolas's expression of complete bafflement and sighed heavily. "Please, just put it back in your pack, okay? *Never* open it." Without even turning around, she squinched her eyes shut and snapped, "Don't you DARE take that sword back out, Nigel!" Nigel, who had half-drawn the weapon, jammed it back into its sheath. Platy resumed pacing.  
  
"Why can't he open the book?" Pippin asked curiously.  
  
"Because terrible, terrible things will happen if he does," Platy said seriously. Pippin gulped.  
  
"I just want to say," Nigel said in a slightly quavering voice, "that you are absolutely no fun at all."  
  
"Fun?!" Platy swelled with anger. "FUN?!?!" Nigel shrank away from his eighteen-inch, trembling, furry creator. "Oh, yes, there's absolutely nothing more fun than skipping through other realms, STEALING things and just generally creating CHAOS wherever you go!!"  
  
"Yes, you really ought to try it," Nigel said brightly and nodded, then immediately realized he had said exactly the wrong thing. With a screech of rage, Platy hurled herself at Nigel's face and started tugging at his handlebar moustache.  
  
"Ow! Oowowch! I say, someone stop her! She's gone completely mental!" Nigel shrieked, trying to stop Platy from tearing out chunks of his moustache without angering her further. Legolas wasn't much inclined to help the man; he thought Nigel was getting no more than he deserved. Aragorn, however, took pity on Nigel and gently pried Platy off of his face. The platypus glared at Nigel, panting heavily, but didn't struggle. Nigel gingerly felt his moustache to make sure it was all still there. Realizing that none was missing, he gave the ends a jaunty twirl and grinned. "Ha! The hair follicles of Nigel Pivington Jones are immune to any attack!"  
  
Once again, Nigel had said the wrong thing. Platy started to struggle violently in Aragorn's grasp, and the ranger could hear her muttering, "I'll . . . give him . . . hair . . . follicles . . ." Aragorn gave Legolas a pleading glance.  
  
"Can you calm her down?"  
  
"I've never seen her so angry before." Legolas shrugged. "Maybe you ought to just let her at him."  
  
"No!" Nigel cried, aghast. "Are you mad?! She'll delete me!"  
  
"Oh," Legolas smirked, "I'm sure a little platypus is no match for the legendary Nigel Pivington Jones."  
  
Before Nigel could reply, there was a low, grinding noise. The gates of Moria were open.  
  
"If I set you down, will you let him live?" Aragorn asked quietly, and Platy nodded. Aragorn gently put the platypus down, and she didn't do anything beyond giving Nigel a very dirty look. They all walked slowly into the mines, Gimli chattering happily about the "fabled hospitality of the dwarves." Platy was trotting alongside Legolas; Nigel was lurking behind Aragorn. Gandalf lit a crystal on his staff, revealing a carpet of rotting corpses.  
  
"This is no mine," Boromir said, "it is a tomb!"  
  
"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Platy snapped, bristling.  
  
Legolas plucked an arrow from a corpse and briefly examined it. "Goblins!" He threw it away and set one of his own arrows to his bow.  
  
"We will make for the gap of Rohan," Boromir backed away. "We never should have come here. Now get out, get out!"  
  
"Okay, okay!" Platy scrambled backwards as Frodo screamed. The company turned just in time to see the hobbit being hauled towards the lake by a giant tentacle. Sam hacked the tentacle off, but a moment later, dozens more burst out of the water, knocking Sam, Merry, and Pippin backwards and hauling Frodo up into the air.  
  
"Ha! No kraken is a match for Nigel Pivington Jones! Chaaaaarrrrrge!" Nigel flew right into the thick of things, hacking at the tentacles with his pilfered sword and cracking his bullwhip, more for effect than anything else.  
  
"Don't you DARE lose that sword!" Platy screeched over the din of battle.  
  
"Lose my sword?" Nigel shouted airily back, "Whatever gave you that idea?" Those words had barely left his mouth when a flying tentacle neatly whipped the sword from his hand and into the water. "Ah . . ." Nigel shifted guiltily. "Sorry about that."  
  
"Dammit, Nigel!" Platy plunged into the water. She re-emerged a moment later, hauling the sword up onto the pebbly strip of land between the lake and the wall. "You owe me big, Nigel, do you hear me? You owe me HUGE!" Nigel picked up the sword as Legolas hit the watcher in the eye. It dropped Frodo with a roar of pain. A moment later, they all scrambled inside. The watcher hauled itself out after them, pulling down the gates with a deafening crash of stone on stone. Then there was complete darkness. All that could be heard was the company's ragged breathing.  
  
"Owch . . . Ron, you're on my *foot*," a voice complained.  
  
"Oh, sorry, mate. I can't see a bloody thing."  
  
"Oh, fabulous," Platy grumbled. "Dammit, Nigel, this is entirely your fault. Why did you have to be such a klepto?"  
  
"Who said that?"  
  
"Who said *that*?!"  
  
"Oh, this is ridiculous . . . lumos!" The fellowship squinted at the sudden pinpoint of faint blue-ish light. It was coming from the wand of a bushy-haired young girl. A black-haired, bespectacled boy stood blinking on her right, and a tall, red-haired boy with freckles stood just behind him. The fellowship gaped. Platy groaned. The black-haired boy pointed a wand at Nigel, who looked over his shoulder in the hopes that the boy's glare wasn't meant for him.  
  
"You," the boy snapped. "Drop that sword!"  
  
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Hoo boy . . . this is turning into the crossover from heck! Bwaha! See da pwetty button? It says, 'Go.' Pwess da pwetty button! Pwess it an' I'll wuv oo f'wever! 


	5. Crossover from heck!

For some reason, I'm in an update-the-old-fics-I-haven't-touched-in-months mood. Maybe it's because I have a cold. Or maybe it's because Tashilover blackmailed me! Either way, I'm updating! More Nigel Pivington Jones! Christmas has come early!  
  
Disclaimer: I own Nigel! And myself! But that's it.  
  
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"You heard me!" The black-haired boy snapped as Nigel continued to look around in a bewildered fashion for the person that the boy was addressing. All three children brandished their wands at the fellowship. In response, Legolas pointed an arrow at the boy, and Aragorn and Boromir drew their swords.  
  
"Oh!" Nigel said suddenly, pointing to himself. "Do you mean me?"  
  
"Of course he means you," the red-haired boy cried. "You're the one who stole the sword!"  
  
"Ah, yes," Nigel nodded patronizingly. "You see, this is all a misunderstanding! I merely *borrowed* the sword! I do not steal; I'm Nigel Pivington Jones!"  
  
The black-haired boy's wand twitched, and Legolas stiffened, gripping his bow tighter.  
  
"Okay," Platy stepped forward, holding her paws up in an attempt to defuse the situation. "Nigel is right about this all being a misunderstanding, at least."  
  
"Are you a platypus?" The girl asked incredulously.  
  
"I am THE NOBLE platypus," Platy said. "But that's not the point! Nigel, give the sword back to Harry."  
  
"Who's Harry?" Nigel asked.  
  
"How do you know my name?" Harry demanded, transferring his gaze to Platy.  
  
"Oh, so *you're* Harry!" Nigel nodded with sudden understanding.  
  
"You know these children?" Gandalf asked, shifting his staff from one hand to the other.  
  
"Well, not personally," Platy said. "Look, you three are here to get the sword back, right?"  
  
"Uh . . . yeah, that's right," Ron nodded.  
  
"So!" Platy turned to Nigel, a dangerous gleam in her eyes. "Nigel, give the sword back to Harry so they can leave."  
  
"Oh, but . . ." Nigel drew the sword and frowned at it, dismayed. "But I rather like it!"  
  
"Do you think I pheeping CARE whether you LIKE it or not?!" Platy snapped.  
  
The fellowship was deeply confused. They weren't sure whether the situation called for weapons or not, and if it did, they weren't sure where they should be pointing them. Platy had certainly made it sound like the children had a legitimate complaint, and that Nigel was the one at fault. Then again, if those short, thin things were weapons, they weren't about to give the children any unnecessary advantage.  
  
"It's mine!" Nigel whined. "I stole it fair and square!"  
  
Platy bristled. "Nigel, you are going to give that sword back right now, or I swear on all that is holy that I will delete you. I'll have no choice! I'm not going to let the fellowship be put in jeopardy because YOU fancied a sword that wasn't yours!"  
  
So the children *were* dangerous! Legolas leveled his arrow at Harry's head once more. The girl noticed this and pointed her wand at him.  
  
"Watch it, you . . . oh!" Hermione trailed off as she properly noticed Legolas for the first time. Platy saw her mouth the words 'hot damn' and rolled her eyes.  
  
"This is already getting out-of-hand!" Platy snapped, drawing everyone's attention back to her. "Nigel, return the sword this instant!"  
  
Nigel sighed in resignation and walked forward. "Oh, *fine*! You're all an absolute bloody drag, do you know that?!" Legolas watched as Nigel held the sword out towards Harry. Harry lowered his wand and reached for it . . . and at the last moment, Nigel jerked it back out of Harry's reach and sprinted into the darkness, cackling. "It's mine! All mine!"  
  
"DAMMIT, NIGEL!!!" Platy howled.  
  
"IMPEDIMENTA!" Hermione shouted, pointing her wand at where Nigel had disappeared. The spell went zinging off into the darkness. There was an "Oof!" and a muffled thud. Apparently, the spell had hit home.  
  
Unfortunately, Legolas instinctively reacted to Hermione's attack by swiftly knocking her unconscious. Ron's face contorted in rage, and he pointed his wand at Legolas. A moment later, Legolas found himself burping up slugs.  
  
Gandalf had had enough. "STOP!" he bellowed, and everyone froze. "That is quite enough!" With a wave of his staff, he removed the hex Ron had laid on Legolas. "Lower your wands!" Harry and Ron guiltily complied. "That's better! The next time I see Dumbledore . . ."  
  
"You know Dumbledore?" Ron asked, surprised.  
  
"Of course I do!" Gandalf stormed off to where Nigel was slumped on the ground and picked up the sword. He carried it back and handed it to Harry. "Here's the sword. Now, did Dumbledore give you a portkey so you could return to your realm?"  
  
"Er . . ." Harry shifted, "no, he didn't."  
  
"Wonderful," Platy grumbled, trotting over to Nigel and smacking him repeatedly until he awoke.  
  
"Gah!" Nigel sat up straight, blinking, his pith helmet askew. "The sword!"  
  
"Harry has it," Platy said shortly, "and Harry's keeping it! You can accept that and behave yourself, or I can delete you right now!"  
  
"I'll behave," Nigel said softly, standing up.  
  
"Good." Platy trotted back to the fellowship and gazed thoughtfully at Hermione's unconscious form. "Someone will have to carry her."  
  
"I will," Legolas said, "as it was I who knocked her out." He lifted Hermione without any trouble. "Gandalf?" He looked at the wizard for guidance.  
  
"Well, until we can find a way to get you three back to your realm, you will have to travel with us," Gandalf said, looking at Harry and Ron. "Figures that Dumbledore would forget to give you a way back . . ." he added under his breath. "I believe that some introductions are in order. I am Gandalf the Grey. The Noble Platypus and Nigel you already know. The elf who so unfortunately," here the corner of Gandalf's mouth twitched upward almost imperceptibly, "knocked the girl unconscious is Prince Legolas of Mirkwood. The dwarf is Gimli son of Glóin, and the two men are Aragorn son of Arathorn and Boromir of Gondor. The hobbits are Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrine Took."  
  
"I'm Harry, Harry Potter," Harry said after a half-second of gaping. "This is my friend, Ron Weasley, and that's Hermione Granger."  
  
"Well, now that we're all introduced," Platy said a bit impatiently, "can we move on? I don't much like it here."  
  
"Yes, yes," Gandalf said, holding the staff aloft. "Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the world. It is a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed."  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione regained consciousness half and hour later, and Legolas was more than happy to put her down and let her walk for herself. After being filled in by Harry and Ron, Hermione proceeded to gape openly at Legolas as she walked. As a result, Ron was in a foul mood and was especially short with the oblivious elven prince. Platy seemed to find it all intensely amusing, and often burst out in fits of coughing that were really badly- masked giggles.  
  
Nigel's mood closely matched Ron's. He kept darting glances of longing at the sword of Godric Gryffindor, which only caused Harry to guard it more carefully. By the fourth day, tensions were running high.  
  
They had just reached the intersection that Gandalf didn't remember. Hermione was sitting on a rock and gazing at Legolas with a dreamy smile on her face. Ron was vainly trying to engage her in conversation, and getting increasingly upset when she refused to respond. Harry was glaring suspiciously at Nigel and clutching the sword protectively. Nigel was wandering "aimlessly" in Harry's general direction, clearly about to pull something. Legolas was watching Nigel with amusement, and if he was aware of Hermione's staring, he hid it very well. Platy was watching Nigel with a mixture of frustration and anger. The hobbits were completely unaware of the mini-drama that was occurring a short distance away, and were comparing their varying levels of hunger. Gandalf was smoking his pipe and staring at the archways. Aragorn and Boromir were sharpening their weapons, and Gimli appeared to be dozing. Suddenly, Platy leaped a foot straight up into the air.  
  
"I'VE GOT IT!" She shrieked, making everyone else jump a foot into the air as well (except for Gimli, who toppled off of the rock he'd been dozing on). "I can't believe I was so stupid!" She cried, clapping her paws delightedly. Legolas had never seen anyone get so excited about being stupid before.  
  
"You've got what?" Gandalf asked a touch irritably, looking at Platy from under his bushy eyebrows.  
  
"The solution!" Platy leaped about triumphantly. The hobbits exchanged eager glances. They had no idea what she was talking about, but it certainly sounded exciting.  
  
"Solution to what?" Boromir asked, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"To getting these three back to Hogwarts!" Platy pointed at the teens. Harry and Ron brightened considerably, while Hermione's face fell. "The book, they can use the book! It's PERFECT!"  
  
"The book!" Pippin got a bit *too* caught up in the moment, leaped up, ran over to Legolas's pack, and pulled out the book. Platy ran forward, paws outstretched, but she was too late. Pippin opened the book, and with a blinding flash, the fellowship, the platypus, Nigel, and the three teen wizards disappeared.  
  
And the emaciated, slightly slimy creature that had been tailing the company and spying on them from behind some boulders disappeared as well.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hehehe . . . you can guess where they've all ended up . . .  
  
Greeneyes616: Hee, thanks so much! I'm glad that people are recommending me, and gladder still that the recommendees (is that a word? It is now!) are enjoying it!! :D  
  
Meee: Aw, thanks! :P Stop looking at me like that, I updated! I just can't resist those puppy-dog eyes, darn it . . .  
  
SoCruel: I don't think anyone can really *control* Nigel. I can threaten him, but that's about it. :) And a tallyhoe to you, too! :P Thanks!  
  
ElvenPirate41: Yay! Thanks for all of your reviews! Nigel is a silly twit! He's like a mixture of Gilderoy Lockhart and a really, really spoiled six-year-old terror! :P  
  
AlienAgentPirate9Duh: Hehe, thanks! I continued!  
  
Tanquessiel: Aww, wow, thanks a bundle! We must be pretty similar, then, because Platy is basically me . . . as a platypus. So in way, this is a very bizarre self-insert! Glad you liked it! :D  
  
Huinesoron: Yep, the HP gang's here! And Hermione seems to be joining the ranks of Legolas fangirls, hehe. I figured that if she was the type to fall for Lockhart, she'd be the type to swoon over Leggy-lulu as well. And Ron is jealous! XD I feel so evil . . . but in a good way! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Whizzothecrunchyfrog: And I've updated again! Thanks bunches, I'm so glad you like it!  
  
Tashilover: There! I've updated, you blackmailing . . . you! Now it's your turn! :P Hope this chapter was worth the horrendously long wait. And as to how I came up with Nigel's name . . . well, it was sort of a joint effort between me and my dad . . . actually, it's a very, very long story. If you really want to hear it, let me know and I'll e-mail it to you.  
  
Lady LifeCharm: Thanks so much for all of your really, really nice reviews! They gave me warm fuzzies! :D Glad you like it!!!  
  
Dragonfire: Hehe, thanks! No, they don't . . . but it turns out that Gandalf and Dumbledore are old pals . . . since Dumbledore has his picture in his office and all. :P So glad you like it!!  
  
Well, I actually got off my lazy (or, more accurately, distracted) bum and updated this fic! Let me know if it was appreciated by REVIEWING!!!!!!  
  
~Platy 


	6. A Fractured Fellowship

Weehaw, another update! Tashilover, this is for you, muahahaha! 

Disclaimer: I own Nigel! Neener, neener, neener!!

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Legolas sprang to his feet, looking about nervously. He was standing in the middle of a deserted corridor. There was no sign of any other fellowship members. Even Platy was gone. The elf quickly ducked into an alcove to gather his thoughts. This was definitely NOT the Mines of Moria. 

Before Legolas could gather any more than that, a figure in a painting peered sharply at him.

"I say," the startled paint-man cried, "who in the blazes are YOU?!"

Legolas stared in shock at the painting for a moment, then backed up towards the opposite wall.

"Wait now I can't see a thing! Get out of my way, you!" A somewhat muffled voice snapped from behind the elf. Legolas jumped forward and spun around in shock. Paintings were talking to him!

"I don't believe he's a student thought he does look a bit like a Malfoy" a woman in a robe muttered thoughtfully. The bald, bearded man in the next painting over agreed with her.

Legolas didn't wait to hear more. He simply turned and ran.

*~*~*~*~*

Pippin sat up and rubbed his head. He had opened the book, there'd been a huge flash, and now he was well, he had no idea where he was. A hallway of some kind, or so it appeared to be. He looked up at the windows and smiled. They were out of the mines, at least, and that was fine with him.

The hobbit climbed to his feet and brushed himself off. Then he looked both ways down the hallway. In each direction there was nothing. This did not sit quite so well with the young hobbit. Where were Merry and the others? After a moment of deliberation, Pippin picked a direction and started walking.

*~*~*~*~*

Gimli said something extraordinarily rude in dwarfish as he climbed to his feet. He was in the middle of an empty room full of tables and chairs. Hoisting his axe, the dwarf burst out the door. Nothing. No orcs, no one. Frowning and still gripping his axe, the dwarf started to shuffle down the hallway. The sound of padding feet emanated from around the corner. An ambush! Gimli ducked against the wall. As soon as the person was within striking distance, the dwarf jumped out with a cry, swinging his axe.

His downstroke was blocked by Aragorn. "Careful, Master Dwarf," the man said, raising an eyebrow. Gimli brought back his axe with a grumbled apology.

"You shouldn't sneak around corners like that, laddie!"

"And you should not swing your axe at everything that moves." Aragorn sheathed his sword. "There are many rooms here; most of them seem to be filled with children. I do not know where we are, but it would be wise to not upset anyone, as we are most definitely outnumbered."

"Aye," Gimli agreed, putting up his axe. "Have you seen any of the others?" 

Aragorn shook his head. "You are the first I have seen."

"Well, what are we waiting for? We have to find them!" With that, the two set off down the hall.

*~*~*~*~*

Frodo sat up and groaned. His head was pounding. He looked around in absolute bafflement. He was sitting in a puddle of water in a small room. Along one wall was a series of tiny, boxed off areas, each housing a white contraption whose purpose the hobbit couldn't fathom. As he climbed shakily to his feet, a transparent girl with glasses _floated_ out of one of the boxes and stared at him in surprise.

"Who are you?" she asked, looking the hobbit over. "You don't look like a student and anyway, you're a boy! You shouldn't be in here! Come to tease me like all the others, I suppose!" Her eyes started to tear. "Well, I don't blame you! I'm such an easy target!"

The hobbit stared at the girl in horror for a minute, then turned and bolted out the door. He found himself stumbling down an empty corridor, closed doors on either side. 

"Sam?" He called out nervously, stumbling to a halt. "Gandalf? Aragorn?" Nothing. In a moment of pure desperation, he added, "Nigel?" Still nothing, this time to the hobbit's partial relief.

"Frodo?" The hobbit looked up hopefully. A moment later, Platy and Boromir appeared from a side corridor. "Well, thank God we've found you, at least!" 

"You haven't seen any of the others?" Frodo asked, his eyes bushbaby-huge in worry. Boromir shook his head gravely, then squinted at Frodo's pants.

"Did you have an accident?" 

"What? I" suddenly Frodo got it and turned red. "No! I sat in a puddle!" Boromir looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh, so Platy intervened.

"Well, they're bound to be here somewhere," she said. "Come on, we'll try down this way"

*~*~*~*~*~*

Merry was halfway up (or possibly down) a staircase, stuck fast. He had put his foot on what had certainly looked like a normal stair, but he had promptly _sunk_ inside the step! Every time he had tried to pull his foot free he had only made things worse, so now he was sitting on the stair above the one his leg was trapped in, trembling slightly. What if a party of orcs found him? He wanted desperately to call out for help, but he was terrified of being heard by anything of a less-than-savory nature. Where _was_ everyone? Where was _he_? What if he was the only one who had been transported to this crazy place, and the fellowship had just gone on without him?

He jumped, startled, as an echoing bang reached his ears. A moment later, a little flying man whizzed down the stairs. Merry held perfectly still, frightened half out of his mind, as the man whooshed past him, did a double-take, and stopped in mid-air.

"Aww," the wicked-looking floating midget said maliciously, looking Merry over. "Is an ickle firsty caught on the stairs?" He giggled. Merry gulped. The man floated closer. "But he doesn't really look like a student what is it? A house elf out of the kitchens, perhaps?" Peeves looked thoughtful for a moment as Merry suppressed a whimper. Then the poltergeist shrugged and produced a handful of hard candy from a pocket. "He's going to be late to wherever he's going; Peevesy will teach him not to be loitering on the stairs!" Before Merry could react (not that there was anything he really could have done), Peeves winged a piece of candy at him. It bounced off the hobbit's head, and he yelped in fear and protest. Peeves cackled maniacally and threw three more pieces in rapid succession, each one hitting the wriggling hobbit somewhere, and one of them sticking in his hair.

Peeves was winding up to throw the final piece of candy when a frying pan hit him with a resounding BONG, sending him whizzing up the staircase, ricocheting off the walls until he was out of sight. Merry nearly collapsed with relief as Sam put the pan away and started to climb towards him. 

"Sam! Thank Eru! Don't step on this one; it sucks you in," Merry pointed to his leg, which was now knee-deep in the stair. Sam took an extra-large step over it, and then hoisted Merry out by his cloak.

"There you are," Sam said, brushing him off and grinning. "It's sure good to see you. I've been walking about for a while now, and you're the first I've run into." He snagged the piece of candy out of Merry's hair, examined it briefly, then chucked it over his shoulder. 

"The same goes for me. And thanks," Merry said with a grin. Then his expression turned thoughtful. "That little man mentioned elves here and kitchens."

"Elves?" Sam grinned hopefully.

"And _kitchens_," Merry added. The two hobbits set out.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gandalf picked up his hat and scowled. This was something the fellowship most definitely did not need. The wizard plunked the hat back on his head, gripped his staff, and strode down the somewhat familiar corridors. He hadn't been to Hogwarts in an awfully long time, and the school had an unnerving way of rearranging itself. 

The wizard paused as a familiar voice came floating around the corner.

"I say, where do you think you're going? I'm not going to harm you, you silly, slimy little thing come on out here and say hi to Uncle Nigel! The least I can do is find you a shirt what?! Don't hiss at me; most improper for a chap to do! Where did you learn manners?!"

Gandalf stormed around the corner to witness Nigel Pivington Jones crouching and peering down another hallway with a frustrated scowl on his face.

"Come back here, you! No one hisses at Nigel Pivington Jones and gets away with it!" The man was about to pull out his bullwhip when Gandalf hoisted him to his feet by his ear. "Owch! Go easy, you barmy old man!"

"You are far more trouble than you're worth," the wizard said sharply. "Now follow me, and you'd better behave for your own sake. There is much at stake here, and I will not be saddled by your foolishness!" 

Nigel gulped and nodded, and Gandalf released his ear and started down the hallway. The wizard had little doubt that Nigel had just been yelling at Gollum, and the wizard knew it was imperative that he find Frodo before Gollum did. Gandalf frowned. Things were not looking good for the fractured fellowship, but at least there was one small blessing: Nigel wasn't running loose. 

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Eh, not one of my best chapters. But at least I've updated, at long last! 

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FrighteninglyObsessed: Love the penname, hehehe. I can relate. Glad you took the time to read what is probably the least popular fic of mine though it is my baby (huggles fic). I won't be updating very often, but I won't abandon it entirely!

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Alassea2: And cyberthanks to you! :-D

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Daisy, Dark, Dailight: Well, it wasn't like Platy was really excited about the stupidity part. ;-)

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pretendingtobesane: Glad you like it! It probably won't be updated often, since my other fics are in higher demand, but I'll try to update more often over the summer.

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awkward: Oh, you bet he yells "charge"! And he does have a moustache. And that would be pretty threatening but I _like_ alliteration. :-P

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Tora Aykanami: Yay! Not only did someone think me worth recommending, but you came and LIKED it! HUZZAH! (hugs) Glad you like Nigel, and thanks muchly!

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Karvian: Wow! Thanks for all of the reviews! Hehe, you're hysterical! They made my day! Dyslexics ROCK!

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Cacunai: Aww, I liked your reviews! Short but sweet! It's just nice to know that people are reading it and enjoying it!

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CrazedSpork: Thanks for the encouragement! I love your penname, hehehe! Glad you like it!

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Tazzmania Tygar: Oh, you flatter me terribly! ;-) Sorry the update took me a ridiculously long time. If you're still reading, thanks for being patient!

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Silver Meteor: I have heard that Snape being a vampire rumor, but I'm not sure where I stand on it. On the one hand, he is out in the sun sometimes, for Quidditch matches and whatnot. But on the other hand, if you can make a potion that makes werewolves friendly and sane, could you make one that made vampires sunproof? (ponders)

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sugaricing: You are insane! I LOVE IT! Thanks muchly!

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Tashilover: Well, I hope it was worth the wait, and that you're pacified for a week or so. :-P THIS WAS ALL FOR YOU, DAMN IT!

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Always Arwen: Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy warty Hogwarts, teach us something pleeeease whether we be old and bald or young with scabby kneeees ahem. They have! Thanks for the review!

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Léaglen: The reason there are no roman numerals with the name is because there can only be ONE Nigel Pivington Jones! ;-) Very happy that you like the fic, and very sorry that it has been ages and ages since I updated. :-\

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NeverSayDie: Hehe, that makes today a happy day, too! JOY!

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Megan Sleevewillow: Hehehe, thanks! Dude, I need to check your fic LJ

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purplestainedglass: Uh whoopsy. :-P Aww, it's your favorite? (HUG!)

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Medea12: and then I left you all hanging forever. Sorry! Hope you liked this chapter!

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Skimbleshanks, the Railway CAT: Again with the apologies bleh. Mockfests distracted me! 

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Phaidra: I hope YOU update Carmen in Control! Tell me if you do; it's great! After all, it's never too late to update as I've just proven. :-P

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Whizzothecrunchyfrog: So do I when I read your reviews. Thanks!

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ElvenPirate41: PHEEP! I invented it it's part of the platypus language, Pheepish. Glad you liked!

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Meee: Well, who's to say that they HAVE LOTR in Harry's world? Maybe they don't! :-P And wizards have to stick together, hehee. Hope this chapter wasn't too bad!

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Tashilover (again): UPDATE, you!!

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Largely Misunderstood Platypus: They should! And he shouldn't. And why wouldn't they know each other? ;-) You're going to have to go back and read your own review just to get this response, hehehe. Hope this chapter didn't suck!

Woo! Sorry about the hideously monstrous delay, you guys. Just to reiterate: I'm not going to be updating this one too often. But I swear I won't abandon it; so if you're patient, you'll get your new chapters eventually. Thanks a lot for sticking with me!

~Platy


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